Magni
08-31-2005, 11:16 AM
My search for more
It seems like many of us are/were Christians. That being the case I’m sure we all had a bunch of it crammed down our throats. Many of us looking back realize this is not the best way to teach children. So until I went to college, I essentially went through the motions, like a robot. In high school I dabbled in Dungeons and Dragons, but became much more involved once I got to college. Why is that important? It’s the single mind opening key for me.
There is a book with that role playing game called, Legends and Lore, also known as Deities and Demigods. This was a cool book for me and wanting to learn more I was driven to search more at the library. Naturally being German, Swedish, and English I searched for a lot on Norse Mythology. Edda was a name that always came up. I eventually found the book of poetry. What an eye opener.
In spring of 1992 I took an 8 week trip to Europe. I spent 5 weeks studying at Oxford University and 3 weeks touring Europe. I tend to think this is where it all begin. I went to York and this amazing place called Jarvik. I was moved. From there traveling through Europe I wasn’t overly impressed with too much. When I came to Austria and Germany an affirmation took over me and I’ve never been the same. Was it the land? Was it the people? Was it spirits? I don’t know, but something welled up inside me and since I’ve never felt more natural then when I was there.
What I took from my trip was a hunger to learn more about my ancestors. What makes me what I am today because of what they did? Why do I feel driven to go see Sweden and Norway? And return to Germany again? Not because the people are who they are. Something there made me feel like I could breathe.
In the fall of 1992, death claimed my mother. The year before it claimed her father who came on boat in 1909 from Smaland, Sweden. I was so close to the both of them. It was like a love/hate relationship though. However, they were my best two teachers. I was torn and certainly developed a hatred for God and all his stupid dogma.
5 years passed and I descended into *****, alcohol, two failed suicides and outright hatred for everything around me.
In 1997 I moved on for a new beginning. A dumpy apartment, with nothing more then a small radio, some clothes and a mat on the floor for a bed was all I had. I lived like this for 6 months pretty much, the came my re-awakening. A day I will never forget.
It was a Saturday morning. Sun shown through the windows on this early spring day, laying on my mat feeling the sun on my face, I had a feeling like I had when I was in Germany. I went through my normal procedures, take a leak and start my water for tea.
Although I hadn’t done it before, I felt the need to step out on my balcony. Across an alley from me is a line of garages for the apartment building. Low and behold, what is sitting on the garage? A crow. We don’t have ravens here.
A crow is a carrion bird. They litter the battlefields after wars are over, picking the dead clean and making life new again. Was my battle over?
I also took this as a sign from God. My battle with him was over. Am I born again? Perhaps. My church is now my soul and my dogma the ancient voices of my past. I forever long to stand with my ancestors, the ones I knew and the ones I have yet to learn about. I have a different outlook now.
Since then, I’ve married an amazing woman, strong in her Gaelic Heritage a pure Irish lass fiery and full of spirit. She has been strong in encouraging my quest to learn more.
Just a question for everyone. If you have seen the movie Gladiator, in the beginning as they are fighting the remaining German tribes and the large man swinging the giant axe was alone. Don’t you wish you could have been there to stand with him?
It seems like many of us are/were Christians. That being the case I’m sure we all had a bunch of it crammed down our throats. Many of us looking back realize this is not the best way to teach children. So until I went to college, I essentially went through the motions, like a robot. In high school I dabbled in Dungeons and Dragons, but became much more involved once I got to college. Why is that important? It’s the single mind opening key for me.
There is a book with that role playing game called, Legends and Lore, also known as Deities and Demigods. This was a cool book for me and wanting to learn more I was driven to search more at the library. Naturally being German, Swedish, and English I searched for a lot on Norse Mythology. Edda was a name that always came up. I eventually found the book of poetry. What an eye opener.
In spring of 1992 I took an 8 week trip to Europe. I spent 5 weeks studying at Oxford University and 3 weeks touring Europe. I tend to think this is where it all begin. I went to York and this amazing place called Jarvik. I was moved. From there traveling through Europe I wasn’t overly impressed with too much. When I came to Austria and Germany an affirmation took over me and I’ve never been the same. Was it the land? Was it the people? Was it spirits? I don’t know, but something welled up inside me and since I’ve never felt more natural then when I was there.
What I took from my trip was a hunger to learn more about my ancestors. What makes me what I am today because of what they did? Why do I feel driven to go see Sweden and Norway? And return to Germany again? Not because the people are who they are. Something there made me feel like I could breathe.
In the fall of 1992, death claimed my mother. The year before it claimed her father who came on boat in 1909 from Smaland, Sweden. I was so close to the both of them. It was like a love/hate relationship though. However, they were my best two teachers. I was torn and certainly developed a hatred for God and all his stupid dogma.
5 years passed and I descended into *****, alcohol, two failed suicides and outright hatred for everything around me.
In 1997 I moved on for a new beginning. A dumpy apartment, with nothing more then a small radio, some clothes and a mat on the floor for a bed was all I had. I lived like this for 6 months pretty much, the came my re-awakening. A day I will never forget.
It was a Saturday morning. Sun shown through the windows on this early spring day, laying on my mat feeling the sun on my face, I had a feeling like I had when I was in Germany. I went through my normal procedures, take a leak and start my water for tea.
Although I hadn’t done it before, I felt the need to step out on my balcony. Across an alley from me is a line of garages for the apartment building. Low and behold, what is sitting on the garage? A crow. We don’t have ravens here.
A crow is a carrion bird. They litter the battlefields after wars are over, picking the dead clean and making life new again. Was my battle over?
I also took this as a sign from God. My battle with him was over. Am I born again? Perhaps. My church is now my soul and my dogma the ancient voices of my past. I forever long to stand with my ancestors, the ones I knew and the ones I have yet to learn about. I have a different outlook now.
Since then, I’ve married an amazing woman, strong in her Gaelic Heritage a pure Irish lass fiery and full of spirit. She has been strong in encouraging my quest to learn more.
Just a question for everyone. If you have seen the movie Gladiator, in the beginning as they are fighting the remaining German tribes and the large man swinging the giant axe was alone. Don’t you wish you could have been there to stand with him?