What Role Do Friends Hold In Your Religous and Daily Lives?

[Skallagrim]

Well I was jsut wondering about the question above and thought It would be a good thing to talk about on the board.

I dont have any 'real' friends at school, as I wrote a ignorant web-journal about my views etc. and of course, they now all hate me for it, or at least, they will not except me into their social groups.

People at my school are material, they cannot think past the next party, or the next time they can get 'drunk' etc. they have no purpose or any meaning to their lives. Thats one of the main things that I think called me to our faith, knowing that there is more than their one minded urge to conform to the latest fashion.

Of course I have some friends but they are not, what I would call 'real'. They are mates sure, but I could never talk to them about our faith or what I feel inside etc. because they wouldnt care and/or understand. That is the nature of most people my age, i observe. When ever something 'above' the childish fashions and narrow minded opinions etc. crops up, they just hide behind their ignorance.

I'm sure you know what I mean. For me its hard at the moment, as I really have no one I can rely on but myself. All the time I spend 'in contact' with the Gods, is alone. I walk around on my own at school msot of the time, aswell etc. .

Of course I dont mind it at all, as it gives me more time for the Gods and for what I know is more important than material fashions and the like. It's not that i dont like, or dont want friends, its just that I dont fit in to the 'peer opinion' etc.

There is just no one I can relate too. I do take it in my stride, If people want to hate me for what ever reason, I dont make excuses or try to get them tol like me. I really dont mind that I dont have friends because, as I said, there are alot of things that are more inportant to me, than to be 'liked' by my peers.

Well, im sure you understand all of this, as being fourteen and in a material private school, you see how all this relates.

The hardest part in all of this, is that when I read sagas (im currently reading the Icelandic sagas) of great warriors and men, having lots of friends, going to feasts etc. I cant help but feel almost, pathetic. Of course I know that back then to love your people, to want to secure a future for your children and to have common thought for the future, wasnt considered 'rascist' etc. But it is still hard because I think, thats Is something missing from my life but I am really not sure at the moment.

Basically, friends in my faith and my daily life are, to be honest; non existant at the moment. And I jsut wondered what position they hold in your lives. I'd like to know as to see how they see you and how they fit in context to your life.

Hope my teenage rambling wasnt to boring :p but if you could give me your experience with friends etc. That would be great.

Thanks for your time.

[Der Einzelgänger]

I've drawn myelf away from my friends, so I wouldn't really call them friends anymore, so they play no part in my faith. The extent of it is that they know I'm proud of my heritage and I wear a Mjollnir, that's about it. I have two really close friends, but I don't talk much of my faith to them because they seem relatively uninterested, so until they show interest I'll just leave them out of it.

[Katia]

Heilsa Skallagrim! Man, how I wish I was awakened to our faith when I was 14! I wouldn't have killed so many brain cells partying the following years! :) It is rough being a teenager for sure, the only advice I would give you is that don't let your faith alienate you from people. I have friends who are christian, they don't push their beliefs on me and I don't do it to them, besides that we share common interests so it's no issue at all really. Have you tried looking up local Odinists in your area? You are lucky that in the U.K. there are more members closer geographically located than here in the U.S. ! Besides that I think you are doing just fine, and if you ever feel lonely you know you can come here and talk to a whole group of people who, for the most part ;), aren't, obsessed with partying... well not ALL the time anyways! :D

[hrolf]

I hear you, man. Just keep it up; you will find some more people like you in highschool. People your age just don't have the maturity you have. There is a saying here; it is "It's lonely at the top." What I mean by that, is you are wise beyond your years, and you will have to wait a bit for others to catch up to you. Just keep looking forward, and remember, when you post here, you are among friends.

[æinvargR]

I recognize myself in what you're writing... I've never been social but I've had at least 2 friends that I enjoyed being with after school, and especially one of them was the kind of friend I could talk to about pretty much anything. He was a Serb but I could speak out my nationalistic thoughts without him feeling attacked, because obviously I didn't dislike him; and he knew about my interest for asatru. Well last autumn he started to act generally uninterested, stopped calling etc, until I realized he didn't want to be my friend. I never got to know why but I can guess.

The ones I used to be with in school was him and two others, we would walk together through school etc. So when that guy excluded me the others had to too, though I'm pretty sure at least one of them wish he didn't have to. So since then I too have been walking alone in school, had no one to talk to outside internet (except my family). Well there are a few I knew shallowly and can have chats with in school but it's nothing really.

I also feel kind of pathetic or something when reading about the ancestors' feasts and friends etc. I'd like to have it like that too.. To me though this doesn't have anything to do with asatru.

This doesn't help you much I guess, but at least you know you're not the only one in this situation.

[Teufelhunden]

I would not sweat it too much, there are VERY FEW people that I jell with and I find that there are even fewer people I can count on. I have always gone my own way and feel most at home by myself. I can go days on end with no other contact. You will find as I did that even your closest friends will fall away after highschool. You will grow apart mentally and in maturity. Go your own way and depend on no one, then the day that you find your wife and have children you will find that it is all you need. You will howeve find those rare people that you will call brother or sister, people that you would do anything for, people hat you could trust with your life. Walk your path and know that you do not "need" anyone, after all being self reliant is a cornersone of the faith and you will find that you will be a stronger person for it.
Teufelhunden

[Skallagrim]

Well thanks lads, I appericate your comments.


I recognize myself in what you're writing... I've never been social but I've had at least 2 friends that I enjoyed being with after school, and especially one of them was the kind of friend I could talk to about pretty much anything. He was a Serb but I could speak out my nationalistic thoughts without him feeling attacked, because obviously I didn't dislike him; and he knew about my interest for asatru. Well last autumn he started to act generally uninterested, stopped calling etc, until I realized he didn't want to be my friend. I never got to know why but I can guess.

Too true. More than often people just disappear from my side. And your quote "The Highest Is The Lonilest" (cant remember it exactly while im typing :confused: ) rings true aswell. But the thing that keeps me on my path, with the Gods and the cause of our people, is music.

I think thats one thing you can always rely on.

[Outdoorsman]

Of all the friends that I had in high school, I have exactly one left that I still keep in touch with. All others proved to be too swallowed up in the psuedo-cultural muck for there to remain any connection.

What really counts are the new friends you make, based upon the common interests, a fairly common vision in some ways, that can cross boundaries of age, class and work backgrounds, etc.

Frankly, the friendships I've made after high school are far more interesting and rewarding than those I've had during high school.

My suggestion to you is that, even now while you are in school, seek new friends in more social circles and communities than just your school. Seek new friends even here. Don't let your school be your sole source of friends, because, it's not a great source, usually. Some friends made in school can be good ones though. Just use your judgement and seek out more sources.

[Hveðrungur Kveldúlfsson]

I have no friends who share my religious views, while there are a few native american guys around here who I have talked to concerning their ancestrial ways we both respect eachothers folkways and respect the fact we follow them and are true to our ancestors but besides that, most of my friends have no understanding or knowledge of what culture is about nor do they care. I dont feel "alone" really, im just not in an area where its easy to find fellow Asatruar.

[ensonulv]

I think there is the right way and an easy way. I think people that are aware travle a harder road even if it is the same as those that aren't. GOOD freinds are battle tested and few and far between. Before I ramble more, FEEL BETTER count yourself lucky not to be a consumer corn flake religion zombie. I hope your situation improves every day and I didn't sound like a wino hippie. :)

[Brand]

I have discovered over the years that the word "friend" is used far too lightly. A genuine friend is rare. In my 40+ years I have narrowed it down to two people> Fortunately,they are both men that I could trust with my life and the lives of my family. Honor seems to be a rare virtue in our modern society,such people are well worth seeking out.

I also agree with the previous poster:you are very fortunate in awakening to our faith at such an early age. When I think of all the time I wasted........

[Skallagrim]

Yes true, the term friend is used to lightly and it has lost its true meaning. If you could see the people that called themselves friends in my school, you would laugh.

[Sigurd]

Of my friends there is following heathenism: One misanthropic Norse Heathen, three who have taken an interest into the religion but are still agnostics, one wannabe Asatruar (let's call him a semi agnostic, he decides his religion on whatever the day gives :rolleyes: )

Still, my friends are very important to me, I find friendship to be something great, something very good. My friends make my life so much better, I have a lot of fun with them etc. My friends play a great role in the shaping of my life. They are people I can rely on. There are others whom I get on well with but they are just my "homies", while there are some few selected FRIENDS, as I have a tough definition of a friend. I select my friends carefully, and have no fear of telling an enemy that he is an idiot.
Friends IMO have to be trustworthy, honest, share at least some ideas with you, you can also have great times with them etc. They should be a backbone whenever needed, and they should be looking to give good advice whenever possible. And so on.

[texas heathen]

Man I feel your pain,I am twice your age now but I had a real hard time making friends when I was 14. I moved alot and quickly learned 2 things. That friends at that age didn't last and that you make friends faster if you are a screwup.
Both of those leasons were complete bull, don't fall for it. Man the regrets I have, luckily I didn't end up in prison like a lot of my chums.
Sugestion, are there any pagan/wican's in your school? Make friends with them( yeah I know it is hard) and try to show them our way. You do not need to be forcefull just show them the positive aspects of our " Faith" most of them just don't understand us.
You are at a real good age for this, as your mates are more apt to look at things in a diffrent lite, they are trying to find their way. People my age are fairly set and less willing to question things they have been told their whole lives.
FFF
Clif

[Sigurd]

Why would somebody want to deliberately look for a Wiccatru as a friend?

[Hveðrungur Kveldúlfsson]

Why would somebody want to deliberately look for a Wiccatru as a friend?
Well this might be a reason.....


Make friends with them( yeah I know it is hard) and try to show them our way.

[Sigurd]

:o OK, sorry there... should read more about this.... :o

Well, yeah but in a normal instance.... hey....

[Hveðrungur Kveldúlfsson]

Yeah, it is usually good to read the whole post in a topic before making a reply to it, just to be on the safe side and all that ;)

[Sigurd]

Yeah...but inattentiveness happens to everyone... even me :rolleyes:

Probably because I felt so strongly about the topic i.e. my disgust of Wiccanism... that I didnt read on...

[texas heathen]

:D I have a hard time with wiccans too, thats why I said it would be hard. I also remember how alone I felt at times when I was a teenager.
FFF
Clif

[Sigurd]

Yeah...Wiccans...

well I don't want to pull this into length, but their beliefs are simply a perversion of our beliefs...

I generally find it easier to cope with them tho if you knew them first before you knew about their religious idea.

[Hveðrungur Kveldúlfsson]

well I don't want to pull this into length, but their beliefs are simply a perversion of our beliefs...

Preaching to the choir man :p

[Sigurd]

Yeah I know that we all feel the same, but just had to reemphasize it :o I'll just claim it was for my own safety :D

[Ravenous]

My friends don't share my view's on religion and folklore, but we could die for eachother. I do anything for my friends

[Sigurd]

Well you can surely convert some, Ravenous, can't you? ;) :D

[Der Einzelgänger]

You mean show them the folk ways, and let them choose.

[Ravenous]

Well you can surely convert some, Ravenous, can't you? ;) :D
the Folk way is something you believe in or not, you can't make some one believe in it...

[Liffrea]

I am in the same situation now. I have never really been a loner but as I started to look around and realised that this world was wrong I lost most of my supposed friends. Some people just don't want to see beyond their own selfish needs. Odinism made me realise that we are not so supperior in this modern age and that our ancestors had a more fulfilled life. So many people are so unhappy nowadays. I draw my strength from the gods and my family. If I make friends its because they accept me for who I am. I will not deny my faith and I will not be embarrased by my views. People have to follow their own path if that's not your path thats the way it goes. I have recently lost touch with someone I have known for seven years because he could not accept what I am or my beliefs. Its painful but I bear no grudges its each to their own.

[Skallagrim]

I am in the same situation now. I have never really been a loner but as I started to look around and realised that this world was wrong I lost most of my supposed friends. Some people just don't want to see beyond their own selfish needs. Odinism made me realise that we are not so supperior in this modern age and that our ancestors had a more fulfilled life. So many people are so unhappy nowadays. I draw my strength from the gods and my family. If I make friends its because they accept me for who I am. I will not deny my faith and I will not be embarrased by my views. People have to follow their own path if that's not your path thats the way it goes. I have recently lost touch with someone I have known for seven years because he could not accept what I am or my beliefs. Its painful but I bear no grudges its each to their own.

Yup, that really does echo my thoughts on it, too. Recently, a girl i knew and thought i was good friends with, left me for some negress, a english-chinese mongrel and a male homosexual because of my views. In fact the only ones in the school. But then I think, if she truely was my friend, she wouldnt have done that and so It is Odins will and my Wyrd that has sent me from her, so i must accept it but at the same time it has made me stronger.

Everytime a 'friend' leaves my side etc. I cannot help than feel as if i have been lifted from a burden. I think that people who are im/a moral and have no concept of culture or folk, one of those 'friends' that you just drift into a friendship with, need to be got rid of. That goes for me, in any case, as being surrounded by the 'material pull' - so to speak, to have 'friends' that constantly try to get you to go back to it, is weakness.

Erm, not sure how that came out but I hope you get my jist but dont worry, I do ahve some mates! And I dont shun everyone who I think isnt 'true' lol. There are just times where it has to be done.....

[Outdoorsman]

Everytime a 'friend' leaves my side etc. I cannot help than feel as if i have been lifted from a burden. I think that people who are im/a moral and have no concept of culture or folk, one of those 'friends' that you just drift into a friendship with, need to be got rid of. That goes for me, in any case, as being surrounded by the 'material pull' - so to speak, to have 'friends' that constantly try to get you to go back to it, is weakness.

I think I understand what you mean here. I recently cut off friends that I've known for twelve years because I realized that they were having a very slow but sure negative influence on me. I had thought that they could live the way they did and that it would be separate from me because I didn't do these things myself. That didn't really work out that way. Just being around them, hearing them talk about their exploits, visably living in the negative way they did, had a subtle influence on me that I didn't want. So about four months ago, after they had paid off their debts to me (which took them about two years to pay back!) I cut things off permanantly.

It was a very hard decision in many ways, because as I said, I knew them for twelve years and had developed a close friendship with them. I had also became a godfather to their child, so I had to consider my responsibilities to that child. I eventually had to conclude that if I stuck around to try to be a good influence for the child, their influence on me would eventually destroy the best in me. So it was with mixed feelings about the situation that I left, but I knew what I had to do and I did it.

And in reterospect, I'm glad I did it, because my life has really improved since. Perhaps not in a material sense, but in a mental and spiritual sense. Getting away from them has allowed my own natural thinking and personality to come out like it should, instead of being repressed around them. I've also become a lot more ambitious about life. So it really was the best decision. My only regret is not being able to find a solution for my godchild.

[Der Einzelgänger]

I'm in the same boat as you Outdoorsman. I just removed many friends from my life. One in particular, I am glad to be away from. All the decandence and ***** that were being passed through my friends and my life, I decided to rid myself of all of them. I never understood peer pressure until my one friend told me that if I didn't smoke pot with him I wasn't his friend. So, needless to say, I am no longer his friend. And now, the things I hear about him, he has basically ruined his life, I feel sorry for him, that he couldn't realize what he was doing to his life, but I'm just glad to be rid of them all.

The farther removed I get from those friends, the more they all become junkies in my mind. There is no longer this cloud of friendship blinding me from what they truly were.

Unfortunately I could not recollect the debts that were owed to me, but I think it is a small price to pay to never be associated with such depravity again.

Plus, I look forward to meeting and making new friends here on the forum.

[Sigurd]

I know the feeling, Einzel.
I used to be the guy to whom they said, "you're my friend when you give me your pocket money", "smack that guy over there over the head, or your not my friend anymore".
But well, I rather stayed alone.
And this has only assisted me in finding TRUE friends. OK, one of them is a trouble maker, smokes pot, and is a Punk. The next one is a Christian. Another is a Hip Hopper. But they have never put pressure on me to convert in the name of friendship. They accept it that I do not like drug abuse, am not left-wing, listen to metal, and am a Heathen. They accept me for what I am, and that is the way it should be.

[Liffrea]

It is kind of freeing not having any friends because there is no pressure to "fit in" you can just be yourself. Its like a reawakening.

Sigurd how old were you and this friend who asks you to hit people and give him your pocket money? Your school sounds mad. :p

[Sigurd]

the Folk way is something you believe in or not, you can't make some one believe in it...

Yes but you can introduce them to it, and so open the door for them, so the can choose to go through the door, the door they had not even seen before. ;)

[Sigurd]

It is kind of freeing not having any friends because there is no pressure to "fit in" you can just be yourself. Its like a reawakening.

Sigurd how old were you and this friend who asks you to hit people and give him your pocket money? Your school sounds mad. :p

Oh this was before I came to my school, this was still back home in Austria
This was when I was like 12 or so in a previous school
The same place that got me into smoking :rolleyes:
The same place that got me into drinking :rolleyes:
The same place that almost got me into trouble with the police. :rolleyes:

that is... the first two both not regularly until i was 15.

[TruGunny]

:o
Heilsa All,

Hope I dont step on my "johnson" too badly here on my first post. I spent 22 years in the US Marines. You tend to have few "close" friends, just because of the occupation. I "found" the Gods about 2 years ago, and it is almost funny how fast your "friends" will walk, run, away from you when you are not part of the mainstream. yikes. I was raised Roman Catholic, but even as a 13 year old, I wasnt buying the snake-oil they were selling. my last duty station, before I retired, was small.... I had more in common with the wiccans, then with the Xtians. at least we coould talk about something other than the LORD JEEZUZ, AND HIZ SAVIN GRACE. (dry heaves). the sad thing is that we are so spread out, that it is difficult to make friends with a "tru" heathen. my fiance is trying to understand, but i am fighting 30+ years of her religious programming... i think i am winning though! if there is anyone in Florida, let me know.

[Lonnie]

:o
Heilsa All,

Hope I dont step on my "johnson" too badly here on my first post. I spent 22 years in the US Marines. You tend to have few "close" friends, just because of the occupation. I "found" the Gods about 2 years ago, and it is almost funny how fast your "friends" will walk, run, away from you when you are not part of the mainstream. yikes. I was raised Roman Catholic, but even as a 13 year old, I wasnt buying the snake-oil they were selling. my last duty station, before I retired, was small.... I had more in common with the wiccans, then with the Xtians. at least we coould talk about something other than the LORD JEEZUZ, AND HIZ SAVIN GRACE. (dry heaves). the sad thing is that we are so spread out, that it is difficult to make friends with a "tru" heathen. my fiance is trying to understand, but i am fighting 30+ years of her religious programming... i think i am winning though! if there is anyone in Florida, let me know.



I'll send you a pm about Fla folk...

[Sigurd]

What is "Fla folk"?

[Lonnie]

What is "Fla folk"?


Florida Folk... ;)

[Sigurd]

Florida Folk... ;)

Thank you. :)

[Schwarzesonne]

I’m now 39 and a long way from high school. But I still remember…

I was a punk rocker back in those days, whenever punk and skinhead were new things (punk wasn’t the parody of itself like it is now), and back when these scenes meant something. By my college days I’d converted to skinhead, but that’s another story… Most of the kids in our local scene back then didn’t like each other. We just hung out together because those were the guys who you could get dope from; they were also the one’s who’d fight with you whenever one of the longhairs yelled “Devo sucks” and this somehow became a battle cry. Ahhhh, for the “enlightened” days of high school! ::sticking finger down throat:: I no longer associate with any of the people I knew back then.

Like Katia I rather envy the fact that you’ve become as enlightened as you have thus far rather than just partying those years away.

At 16 I started moving quite a bit. I worked a variety of jobs and lived a bunch of places before I settled down at 31. One valuable lesson I learnt in all this: no matter what you do some people will like it and some won’t. So why bother with everyone else’s opinion? It’s best just to be true to your convictions.

I know that this doesn’t help you now, but for your encouragement… Today I can count on one hand the friends I have that are not Heathen of one stripe or another. Those non-Heathen friends are, of course, just as valuable as the Heathen ones. But it’s much easier to relate to people who are interested in the same things, share more-or-less the same values and priorities, &c. As you bounce around the pinball game of life you’ll find people that are more like yourself. In the meantime you’re still stuck in the morass of a haphazard social life like everyone else in high school (whether they admit to it or not).

Stay true to your ancestors and to the götter and slowly they will reward you for it. Just try to be patient.

[Sigurd]

Oh this was before I came to my school, this was still back home in Austria
This was when I was like 12 or so in a previous school
The same place that got me into smoking :rolleyes:
The same place that got me into drinking :rolleyes:
The same place that almost got me into trouble with the police. :rolleyes:

that is... the first two both not regularly until i was 15.

Hmmm...false friends back then, I have to say, I had...
:mad:

[Thomas]

Well I was jsut wondering about the question above and thought It would be a good thing to talk about on the board.

I dont have any 'real' friends at school, as I wrote a ignorant web-journal about my views etc. and of course, they now all hate me for it, or at least, they will not except me into their social groups.

People at my school are material, they cannot think past the next party, or the next time they can get 'drunk' etc. they have no purpose or any meaning to their lives. Thats one of the main things that I think called me to our faith, knowing that there is more than their one minded urge to conform to the latest fashion.

Of course I have some friends but they are not, what I would call 'real'. They are mates sure, but I could never talk to them about our faith or what I feel inside etc. because they wouldnt care and/or understand. That is the nature of most people my age, i observe. When ever something 'above' the childish fashions and narrow minded opinions etc. crops up, they just hide behind their ignorance.

I'm sure you know what I mean. For me its hard at the moment, as I really have no one I can rely on but myself. All the time I spend 'in contact' with the Gods, is alone. I walk around on my own at school msot of the time, aswell etc. .

Of course I dont mind it at all, as it gives me more time for the Gods and for what I know is more important than material fashions and the like. It's not that i dont like, or dont want friends, its just that I dont fit in to the 'peer opinion' etc.

There is just no one I can relate too. I do take it in my stride, If people want to hate me for what ever reason, I dont make excuses or try to get them tol like me. I really dont mind that I dont have friends because, as I said, there are alot of things that are more inportant to me, than to be 'liked' by my peers.

Well, im sure you understand all of this, as being fourteen and in a material private school, you see how all this relates.

The hardest part in all of this, is that when I read sagas (im currently reading the Icelandic sagas) of great warriors and men, having lots of friends, going to feasts etc. I cant help but feel almost, pathetic. Of course I know that back then to love your people, to want to secure a future for your children and to have common thought for the future, wasnt considered 'rascist' etc. But it is still hard because I think, thats Is something missing from my life but I am really not sure at the moment.

Basically, friends in my faith and my daily life are, to be honest; non existant at the moment. And I jsut wondered what position they hold in your lives. I'd like to know as to see how they see you and how they fit in context to your life.

Hope my teenage rambling wasnt to boring :p but if you could give me your experience with friends etc. That would be great.

Thanks for your time.


I am going through something akin to that at the moment also ! I am also only a teenager, 15 years old and living in England. You are one of the people I would love to have around at my school. No one is a Heathen, or even knows what one is. I have the same problem also with not being able to talk to people about what I feel and it eats away at me because I can't exactly talk to my parents about some of the things I feel. I have been ridiculed also for seeking knowledge. I feel like I will never find someone (female) for me that is different and apart from the mass of materialistic people as people like that are hard to find (round here). The thing to do is to remember that there are people alike (Heathens) looking for the same sort of people with the same sort of views, with sense and with pride.

Just thought you might be able to find a bit of reassurance from someone that is experiencing something similar as boring as it may be hehe.

Thomas

[valaskjalf]

I feel the same way about someone(Female) but remember, Patience brings good, I steal these words "You can always convert :p " But yeah, I don't have many friends my 3 or 4 good friends are Heathen and very friendly people, They're also 10 years and 20 years older, Which does not bother me in anyway, And apart from them I have a couple my age I barely talk to, Because they're busy doing Dope and drinking Booze, So I really don't associate myself with them. You should look for books or articles about "Being your bestfriend", Or find people in your area, Or look for them on chat room or something, Someone will come up brother, If not you can always get that special someone interested ;) . But you can never have to many other friends.
Especially like-minded one's :D .

Wassail!

[valaskjalf]

That was reffered to both Thomas and Skallagrim
:p

[solar_nexus]

I was a misanthropic *******, a loner, and a "stompy rivethead"(well, more of a strange mix of rivet, goth, and metal) when I was in high school. I didn't like anyone and they probably didn't like me. I wasn't a Heathen at the time, I was more into Chaos Magic and Satanism, but I grew out of those kinds of things (all though the chaos magic gave me a kind of experiential basis that helps me with my rune work now and it taught me to approach magic in a non-dogmatic and freestyle manner). My ability to get along with peers was so terrible that I ended up in B.D. (behavior disorder) and then I got kicked out of B.D. and sent to a kind of "reform school".

Alot of my misanthropy came from being a white kid in a hispanic neighborhood and from being too smart for my own good. There was actually a time (middle school) where I mingled with gangbangers, but something didn't seem "right". I was at this garage sale and I saw these books about Dungeons and Dragons and I thought they were pretty cool so I bought them. This sparked alot of interest in the martial arts and the occult, and it seemed to point to a kind of "european past". It made me wonder why all of the white kids were practically bowing to these blacks and hispanics in the most cowardly and submissive way. Things just started to burn inside of me, and I started to develope a strong sense of Self. Later on I started listening to industrial and metal music, and then I got into Satanism. All of this was adding fuel to the fire and I became intensily rebellious and hateful of just about everything that I was taught as well as the whole system.

Unfortunately, I did indulge in alot of ***** when I was in high school. I experimented with cocaine, LSD, shrooms, speed, and I drank hard liquer and smoked grass on a regular basis and was constantly getting into fights. I acted like a complete ******* and I am not proud of that at all. I sqaundered alot of talent because of my unchecked egoism and drug use. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and do things differently.

I do not do ***** anymore, I rarely drink, and I do not smoke.

In any event, I do have a good handful of freinds. May the Gods bless their souls for being able to put up with me. I hail to Dan, Jenn, Michelle, Guy, Ben, Reed, Christian, Ian, John, Jim, and Tiff. They are kick a.s.s. :swinghamm